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These are three questions I have recently asked on my own blog and would like to pose here.
Can someone explain to me:
Why two people continue to stay together and yet emotionally tear each other apart?
Why two people continue to stay together when they have little or no interest in one another?
Why do people have affairs rather than free themselves from a failed relationship first?
Thank you.
They may have children and therefore believe that it is less unsettling for the children to stay....rather than go.They may be married to a very caring person who is a fantastic parent and someone whom they do get on with, although physically the relationship has died....
Oh, don't get me started....!!!
 | joebangles [Member] 2008-05-05 @ 22:16 |
Hi ThatWoman, yes, you are right, it is strange, I thought that mainly, nowadays, couples do split up without working at trying to get things right as opposed to 30/40 years ago when it was thought to be "the done thing" and remain in that loveless relationship.
Maybe tied up finances make splitting up difficult because there is usually one loser and who wants to be the loser.
 | MissyMouse [Member] 2008-05-05 @ 23:25 |
Perhpas they are scared of what they don't know but in the relationship they knew what they will get.
Fear
| joebangles [Member] 2008-05-06 @ 11:51 |
Yes Ozzzy, you have probably hit the nail on the head with just that one word.
I stayed in one for 10 years, and if I am honest it was pretty bad even from the start. But I was really deeply in love with him and I tried so hard to make him love me, I gave him 3 beautiful kids and then it gets even harder, because you spend all your time caring for them and want everything to be perfect..Then they start to see you as a nag ( well he did ) He never took me out, I was never allowed out with my friends - or he would get jealous - We had sex 3 times a year and he made me feel unattractive and worthless.
I know what your going through and it's easy for people to say "oh u should leave him" but I always knew deep down I wanted him to go, but I never felt ready..You will know believe me. I woke up one morning and I was getting the kids ready for school, and I was poorly with a chest infection and he was lying in his own room in his bed, when he should have already left for work..I was in agony but the kids looked smart for school, when he got up he started moaning about how noisy our son was and I looked at him - and bang, that was the day something just clicked - I just started on the breakfast dishes as the baby was there I didn't want to start a row. He left for work, I packed all his things in cases and binbags and I text him saying it was over and that was the end of that, but I knew in my heart that, that was it I was sick of fighting for something that wasn't there.
I find it very hard with running the house, 3 children and not having as much money but we manage. And now the Children are happy and I am not walking on egg shells wondering what he'll complain about next. I am really gutted that I wasted all those years but I have the kids and they keep me going. If your feeling the same only you know whats right for you, but if you ever need a moan or someone to talk to I am here.
Good luck and take care Emma.
Oh sorry, that was a proper waffle ((dont get me started))lol
| joebangles [Member] 2008-05-06 @ 11:50 |
Don't really know what to say Emma, that is a sad post, you have obviously "moved on" ( terrible word ) and that's good. Maybe others in the same situation as you were will take note of your post and make the decision that is right for them. A big cuddle and good wishes for the future.
Thanks hun,
I misread the question though..Because if you click on thatwomans blog, she is going through it a different side..She is what she calls herself ' The other woman ' to a married man, so that was a bit of a wasted waffle.
But if it helps anyone else, then it was worth it...
Good luck ' thatwoman ' with whatever the future brings for you x
You're ex should meet mine, they sound like the same guy!! Except we only had 2 babies!
Hope you are happier without yours, I most definatly am without mine!
 | BlueButterfly [Member] 2008-05-11 @ 19:26 |
My opinion is people stay in bad relationships because they are afraid to be alone. I suppose they have affairs to try and find a new partner before they leave the old one, so that they will not be alone, or to find out if they are still attractive to others. The relationship offers some security even if it's bad.
 | ThatWoman [Member] 2008-05-13 @ 05:05 |
I think you've hit (one of) the nails on the head! 
I agree with ozzzy - it's fear based.
However it goes deeper than fearing being single or alone. The ego is maintained through fear, separation and drama. So there's the fear of losing out, there's the perspective of him/me or her/me where the other could be considered an enemy from time to time and finally the arguing and conflict actually fuels the ego causing it to inflate it's own sense of importance over generally trivial things.
We all seek a sense of importance, particularly from people we love. However, when we're not receiving the validation our egos crave we tend to accept 'being right' as making us feel important. This means you have to view your partner competitively (or as the enemy) in order to take the high ground. The problem is that few people have trouble stepping up to the plate when an egotistical argument starts. This generally leads to repeated, pointless escalation.
Watch a little daytime TV for evidence of this. Oh and the reason the ratings are so high for these programmes is that the viewers ego feeds off the drama and conflict of the show. Whether it's relaity based or scripted with actors - thats how we get our ego fixes LOL.
Its a crazy world.
Adam.
2008-05-05 @ 17:56